This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she told me i tasted like america
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
