i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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