I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
