She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I skipped work to stalk him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
