i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
