Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
