mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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