I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
