So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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