i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
