Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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