Porn is love you can see.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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