There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
