You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
