Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize