she woke up with a sticky ear
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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