1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
