Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize