You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
