What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize