I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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