yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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