I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
