TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
