Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
