I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
