Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
