Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
