I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
