Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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