If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
