I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
