That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
