If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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