My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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