So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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