I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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