you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
