I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
