I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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