i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
