You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
