If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
