How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
