cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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