I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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