The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
