im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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