I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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