fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
