Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
