I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
