I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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