honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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