Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
