we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
