How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just found puke in my bra..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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