The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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