I wanna passion pit in your ass
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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