If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
