Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
