Where did you get a picture of my penis
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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