my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
