she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
