So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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