Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize