Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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