Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My feet surprised me
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