Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
