I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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