wanna go halves on a baby?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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