Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
